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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28972053">Well That's Extreme</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeminiMoon14/pseuds/GeminiMoon14'>GeminiMoon14</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Adventures of an Unfortunate Bard [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Altars, Cults, Feeblemind Spell, Gen, Human Sacrifice, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Magical Artifacts, Mind Control, Poison, Poisoning, Sacrifice, Souls, attempted human sacrifice, false gods</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:48:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,084</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28972053</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeminiMoon14/pseuds/GeminiMoon14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Scanlan Shorthalt was a very lucky gnome. He had allies to watch his back and to help him when he was down, literally and emotionally. Unfortunately he couldn’t always be protected. Bottom line is: cults suck!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keyleth &amp; Scanlan Shorthalt, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo &amp; Scanlan Shorthalt, Scanlan Shorthalt &amp; Grog Strongjaw, Scanlan Shorthalt &amp; Pike Trickfoot, Scanlan Shorthalt &amp; Vax'ildan, Scanlan Shorthalt &amp; Vex'ahlia, Scanlan Shorthalt &amp; Vox Machina, Scanlan Shorthalt/Pike Trickfoot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Adventures of an Unfortunate Bard [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Well That's Extreme</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Scanlan Shorthalt was a very lucky gnome. He had allies to watch his back and to help him when he was down, literally and emotionally. Unfortunately he couldn’t always be protected. Bottom line is: cults </span>
  <em>
    <span>suck</span>
  </em>
  <span>!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally, Scanlan would be fine with waking up like he had. Wearing nothing except decorative cloth around his waist and a beautiful woman hovering over him was not so bad, but he took issue with being strapped to a stone slab with a dagger in the woman’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Last night, he had been approached by a beautiful woman in the tavern. She had twisted her hair with her finger and batted her pretty eyes and he followed. She told him she was looking for an adventurous partner, someone with magic and power to follow her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eager to befriend her, Scanlan had boasted of his skills and even offered a small demonstration. When he saw the awe on her face as he sang a song of Inspiration to her, he could see the delight sparkling in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman had purchased another bottle of wine and beckoned him upstairs to her room. He had given his friends a wink as he followed her upstairs for more wine. Grog had given him a huge smile and raised his cup to the gnome as they vanished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan winced as the memories came rushing back. She had poured him glass after glass of wine and ended the night when she kissed him. He remembered an unpleasant feeling as a powerful poison had pulsed through his system and he had fallen unconscious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now he gazed up into the woman’s eyes, which were now cold like steel, as she commented, “Good, you’re awake. The ceremony can begin.” She walked around to the other side of the slab and opened her arms wide as she called, “My master! We offer you this mortal form, gifted with powerful magics, to take as your own! May your very essence travel safely into this body and allow your return!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan writhed, his hands chained to the table above him and his ankles bound to the other side. He tried to cast something, anything, but the leather gag in his mouth muffled his words and the manacles lit up as his arcane energy was pulled into them. The woman smirked and laid her dagger down beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Panic flooded his body as the woman started chanting something in a language Scanlan did not understand. Other voices joined the chant and runes on the ground began pulsing with magic. The woman smiled, twisting her pretty face into something cruel, as she dipped her fingers into a golden bowl and came out covered in something sticky and dark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she began to run her fingers against his body, Scanlan caught a whiff of iron and realised the bowl was filled with blood. He thrashed weakly, still feeling the poison coursing through his body, as she drew symbols in blood on him starting at his head. With the toxin still in his veins, he felt he was only just conscious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she completed the runes on his face, she moved on to his chest. He glanced down and saw arcane runes that he did not understand but given the circumstances he felt he could guess their meaning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she made her way down and finished the last glyph, which ended near his ankle, the woman retook her place at the slab. She took the dagger from his side and clasped it with both hands. When her eyes opened they were hazed over, like she was no longer in control, and she spoke a new phrase.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she spoke, she hovered the point of her blade over Scanlan’s heart before raising her arms above her head. Scanlan’s eyes went wide as he let out a muffled scream and wriggled to get free. The restraints held fast and kept him pinned to the stone altar as she let out a shout and brought down the blade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before the blow could land, an arrow sunk into her, followed by three daggers and the loud crack of Percy’s gun. The woman snarled as a large vine wrapped around her torso and pulled her away from Scanlan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan let out a muffled sigh of relief as he heard another gunshot and the roar of a goliath in a rage. He managed to turn his head and saw Vox Machina storming the ritual. He would have laughed if he could but the gag kept him quiet. He turned away from the random followers as he heard a snarl and a pained yelp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keyleth had turned into her tiger form and was tearing into the woman who had tried to sacrifice Scanlan with her claws aflame. Beside her was Vax sinking his daggers into their enemy from behind. Scanlan only just managed to hear the clanking sound of plate armor as Pike arrived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She removed the gag from his mouth and began working the stiffness from his jaw as Pike asked, “Scanlan? Are you okay? You went missing and we only managed to find you because of the earring...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cut her off with a cough as he answered, “As fun as it is to have you over me while I’m tied up, I’m starting to lose feeling in my hands.” Pike seemed to snap back to herself as she immediately began to examine the manacles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned and climbed onto the table, hovering over Scanlan defensively as she told him, “Your cuffs need keys but I’m not leaving you alone like this.” The bard tried to come up with a flirty remark but fell short as his tongue abruptly stopped working and his head lolled. There was a flash of pain and Scanlan realised he was still barely clinging to consciousness as an effect of whatever poison was in his system.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The battle was short, thankfully, and as soon as the ringleader was dead, Vex took the keys from the body while Keyleth mauled the remains. Vex undid the clasps as Pike massaged feeling back into his fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he was free, Scanlan tried to sit himself up and thank them for the rescue. Instead, he tumbled headfirst into Pike’s arms and let out a weak whimper of pain. Vex pulled his face towards her and looked into his eyes. She saw the haze that was trying to settle over them and noted his heart rate as she exclaimed, “Poison! He’s been poisoned! Pike!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike was already working on it. Greater Restoration coursed through him, chasing away the poison and clearing his system. Scanlan gave her a weak smile as Grog stepped in and hoisted the gnome into his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bath and a change of clothes later Scanlan looked much better. As soon as Scanlan was dressed, Grog put himself between the gnome and other people in the tavern. Pike was talking with Percival about returning to Whitestone while the others helped Scanlan unwind. Scanlan drank with a smile as he assured them that it was a one time thing. Surely, it had to be a fluke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was not a fluke. As a matter of fact he ended up in the hands of another cult rather quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time they had needed something specific to please their ‘god’. According to their legend, their god had a fondness for gnomes; so when Scanlan presented himself as a threat and a favorable creature, they struck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vox Machina had just finished dealing with a couple of beasts that had attacked when the cult struck. They managed to divide the group in two; Percy, Vex, and Keyleth in one, Grog, Pike, Scanlan, and Vax in the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cult focused their efforts on diving the second group into splitting even further. Vax broke away to pick the mages off from a distance while the others stayed together. They resisted for as long as they could, trying to push closer at every opportunity, but eventually their opponents succeeded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One mage had launched an attack at the half-elf surrounding their target. Vax hit the ground hard, hard enough that his body went limp from impact. The second she was able to, Pike ran to his side to heal him. Unfortunately, this gave the cultists an opportunity to dart past Grog and cast a spell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan had been distracted as he sent another Cutting Words to Grog’s opponent. He felt something creep into his mind. As it wormed its way into his head, he tried to resist but suddenly he was helpless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mage, a human male it seemed, placed his hands on Scanlan as he ordered, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sleep. You will be safe.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The gnome’s eyes shut as his body went limp and fell into the arms of the caster with a soft sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grog heard something behind him and instinctively threw a blow behind him. The blow barely missed as the human yelped and ducked out of the way. After finishing her healing spell, Pike looked up in time to see a mage holding Scanlan beginning to cast something. She glared at him and extended a hand towards him, clutching her amulet, as she cast Guiding Bolt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mage hissed in pain as divine magic struck him and barely managed to hold his concentration on his spell. He tightened his hold on Scanlan as he muttered a few words under his breath and they both vanished. The other mages stopped attacking and began to vanish one by one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vax, recovering from the attack, managed to grab one of them before he could escape and pinned him down. Percy loaded his gun and aimed it at their captive. The mage looked down the barrel of the gun and up into the eyes of the Lord of Whitestone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clicked the hammer of his gun as he told him, “You have one chance to tell us where our friend is or I will make your last moments unbearable.” The mage glanced up at him, trying to steel his face, and spat, “Our lady will consume your friend and blessed shall we be another year!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Percy gave Grog a nod and the goliath took a lot of pleasure in knocking the mage unconscious. Vax stopped Grog from killing him in case there was more information to be found but left him tied up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the meantime, Scanlan was being carried towards a series of tunnels in the mountainside. As the path twisted and tangled, the cultists followed the call of their god right to her chamber. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a ceremonial platform towards the back wall with pillars of stone decorated with ornate designs. Flowers were laid out around the base of the platform in vivid reds that mingled with golden items and jeweled goblets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They held Scanlan against the center pillar as they coiled rope around him. They tugged to make sure their sacrifice was in place before backing down. One stayed behind for a moment, using a sanctified paint, to draw a special symbol on Scanlan’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As an added measure, they made a series of motions and muttered a few words under their breath. All sound around the altar vanished, just in time for the ceremony to begin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vex and Grog were the ones to figure out where the cultists had gone. The cultists had teleported a distance away but fortunately Vex had cast Hunter’s Mark on one of them. From there, Grog helped her find their trail and tried to keep the rage at bay just long enough to focus on the trail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They found a series of tunnels that all eventually met up towards the center of the mountain. The space was huge and on the wall furthest from them was a platform, much like an altar, with three pillars that stretched towards the top of the chamber. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vox Machina saw movement near the middle pillar, a familiar figure struggling and unaware of their presence. Keyleth and Grog almost rushed to get his attention when the twins held them back. They motioned for the rest of the group to hide as a low rumble echoed from a hole, previously hidden by the pillars, and there was a low hiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan stopped struggling when he felt the ground vibrate. Confused, he looked around to see what could be causing the shaking. The tremors gradually got worse as Scanlan continued searching for the cause. The vibrations stopped just as he glanced upwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Towering above him, after slithering out of an opening behind the pillar, was a serpent watching him. It’s tongue flicked out curiously as its pupil narrowed at the gnome. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no noise as Scanlan shrieked and tried to cast a spell. All was silent as the serpent made its way to the offerings. It seemed to focus on the other prizes for a moment before centering its attention on the only living offering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan thrashed against the rope and tried to get away but only succeeded in uselessly pushing himself against the pillar. The serpent lowered its head towards its prey as the gnome kept trying to call for help in vain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as the creature opened its toothy maw, a flash of divine light slammed into the side of its head. It shook itself, trying to recover from the blow, when an axe was buried into the serpent’s body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan could see Grog growl but he could not hear it. He looked on helplessly as the other members of Vox Machina showed themselves and began to defend their friend. Pike ran up to him, Vax right on her heels, and tried to ask him something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he could do was shrug his shoulders, looking far too vulnerable as he mouthed ‘Help’ at her. Vax worked on slicing the ropes as Pike gave Scanlan a look over. With no sign of injury, she took Scanlan’s hands and tugged him towards the way they entered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the heat of battle, she forgot about the symbol painted on his forehead and as they stepped off the platform the symbol lit up and Scanlan’s body froze in place. Pike pulled Scanlan’s body into her arms as the creature’s eyes locked onto the gnomes. It hissed, a little bit of venom spraying from its jowls, and slid past the adventurers surrounding it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike shook Scanlan as his face went blank and he became unresponsive. She heard cursing behind her in time to see the serpent bearing down on them. With the bard still in her arms, Pike raised the symbol of Sarenrae towards the false god of the idiots who had taken her friend and growled, “Fuck off!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The light coming from the amulet shot out in a concentrated beam of divine energy that shot through its lower jaw. There was a brief pause before the back of its skull exploded with the light of Sarenrae.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike turned her attention back to Scanlan as the symbol on his forehead continued to glow. Keyleth approached and saw the glowing rune. Gently, she placed her hand over the symbol and cast Dispel Magic. The pulse of arcane energy pulsed through his body and the symbol shattered and faded away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Setting his head against her shoulder, Pike placed her hand against his cheek and channeled the essence of her goddess into her palm and cast Greater Restoration. His body lit up with a soft golden glow as her spell worked its way through his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan let out a gasp as the effects of the spell were ended and he came back to himself. Pike smiled and wrapped her arms around him. Keyleth joined in the hug by wrapping her arms around the both of them. Vax wrapped his arm around Percy’s shoulder as his sister joined the hug. Grog saw the group hug and, not wanting to be left out, rushed in and pulled them into his arms. Vox Machina left, a trail of cultists bodies would be discovered by any who entered the way Vox Machina had, and their bard was safe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Scanlan, this time, was not a target for sacrifice but a victim all the same. Vox Machina was trying to flush out a group of zealots threatening the people of Tal’Dorei when a few members of said group decided to prevent trouble before it could start.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been caught while sleeping. Vex and Keyleth had heard something but, before they could get everyone awake the group had descended on them. Thankfully, Vax and Percy had gotten up really quickly and were already fighting off attackers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Grog and Scanlan were the last to wake up which gave a magic-user, a warlock it seemed, enough time to attack. This group was well aware of who they were dealing with which allowed a spell to be fired right at the bard trying to help his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan tried to fight the effect but the magic wrapped itself around his mind and suddenly he lost all understanding. He huddled next to Grog, trying to hide behind his leg, and whined. The warlock cackled loudly as they watched the gnome hide. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They did not get to enjoy it for long because the goliath saw his little buddy hiding from the warlock and decided that was enough to behead them. With one swing, the caster’s head went flying from their body while everyone else took care of the other zealots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Percy fired another shot, Scanlan jumped and pressed himself closer to Grog, who immediately lifted the terrified gnome into his arms. With every shout of anger or blast from a gun, Scanlan would push himself closer to the goliath’s chest. Grog seemed to debate helping fight off the other attackers but Scanlan’s trembling form in his arms kept him out of the fight. He growled but removed himself from the conflict and hid from view.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vax spotted the goliath tucked away from the fight first and approached with a remark of, “Didn’t see you any tearing limbs off. What the fuck, man?” Grog glared at the half-elf but it was weak and mostly filled with worry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sensing the concern, Vax put away his daggers as he asked, “Grog? What’s wrong?” The goliath slowly shifted his arms so he could see the ball of gnome in his arms. Scanlan was curled in on himself tightly and clutching at his pointed ears as he trembled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vax held his arms out and took the shivering body from Grog as he whispered, “Shorty? You good?” The gnome glanced at him, eyes hazed over and scared, as he wrapped his arms around the rogue’s neck and whimpered. Awkwardly, Vax returned the hold as he asked, “What the fuck happened, Grog?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grog stood up and answered, “One of the fuckers hit him with some magic an’ now he won’t talk to me.” Vax gently rubbed the gnome’s back as he called out, “Kiki! We need your help over here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keyleth walked over and watched as Scanlan slowly looked over at her and let out a soft ‘Ah’ of recognition. He seemed content to stay in Vax’s arms as the druid looked him over and leaned into the gentle touches. She noticed and watched as he curled close to Vax when she pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Letting out a sigh, Keyleth turned to the others and explained, “We need Pike in order to fix this. He won’t be able to do much until we get back to her.” Vax, on instinct it seemed, tucked the gnome on his hip as he nodded and said, “Let’s get going then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Scanlan was easy enough to handle. He would occasionally try to wander but someone would grab his hand. Vax seemed to feel more at ease if Scanlan was in his arms and would talk at him. Scanlan listened even if he could not understand and seemed to enjoy resting in the half-elf’s arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At one point, Percy ended up watching over their bard while the others set up camp. He would have been annoyed but the gnome picked up on tone and body language even if he could not understand their words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While they waited for camp to be set up, Percy had ended up fiddling with something shiny and created a small pinwheel. He gave a quick demonstration and watched as Scanlan spun the wheel and laughed at the awed expression on the gnome’s face. Grog joined him and took over keeping an eye on their friend by entertaining them both with the pinwheel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vax stepped in when it was time to rest. He set up the gnome’s bedroll beside him and carefully wrapped an arm around his small friend’s stomach. For his part, Scanlan seemed happy to comply and actively curled closer to Vax. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Vex spotted Scanlan watching her as she practiced her broom riding. His eyes looked on with a mix of confusion and wonder. She smirked and pulled him onto it with one arm clutching the handle and the other holding him in place. Vex only hovered a few feet above the ground but it was enough that Scanlan delightedly grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully they found a tree large enough that Keyleth could cast Transport via Plants and as soon as they made it back to Whitestone, Vox Machina scattered to find Pike. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, Keyleth ended up with Scanlan. He clung to her skirt and whimpered whenever a stranger passed by them. She tried to soothe him by petting his head and eventually lifted him into her arms so that they could return to the castle more quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grog was the one who found Pike. She had been in the middle of helping some citizens out when she heard a familiar voice yell, “PIIIIIKE!” Just as she turned around, Grog scooped her into his arms and cried, “Scanlan’s in trouble! He won’t talk an’ he’s not singin’ an’ he can’t fight!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike patted his arm consolingly as Percy caught up and clarified, “Scanlan’s been Feebleminded, we need your help.” Quicker than anyone had seen before she climbed onto Grog’s back and ordered, “Take me to him!” Grog took off, leaving Percy behind, and ran back to the castle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They found Scanlan sitting next to Keyleth in the courtyard, clinging to the druid like a child. Pike jumped down and ran to them. Scanlan perked up at the noise she made, tensing for a fight before he realised that it was an ally approaching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike took in the sight of him. The way he moved to protect Keyleth despite the confused haze in his eyes made something in her heart clench. She moved slowly to his side, preparing for the worst, and held her hands up in a non threatening way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as she got close enough for Scanlan to see who it was, Scanlan’s face broke into a huge smile. He wrapped her in a hug and let out a pleased whine. Taken aback, Pike instinctively petted his head and returned the hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan hummed at the gentle touch as Pike told him, using a gentle but firm tone, “I’m going to fix you in a moment, but I need you to let go for a second.” She guided his hands away from her and cupped his face with her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pause as the divine essence of the Greater Restoration coursed through his body. Scanlan blinked for a moment, trying to clear the confusion from his eyes as he mumbled, “Pike?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at him as Grog tossed Scanlan in the air with a shout, “Scanlan’s back! Scanlan’s back!” Keyleth joined him in the chant as Grog let her hug him close. Pike placed a hand over her holy symbol and sighed in relief before turning to Grog and asking, “How did this even happen? Details!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dungeons are </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> not Scanlan’s thing. They’re dark, gloomy, and too quiet; the complete opposite of Scanlan’s preferred accommodation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was there for what felt like hours, arms held above his head with his feet barely touching the floor. A heavy collar hung around his neck with a chain connected to the loop around his waist. There was blood running down his face from a cut near his hairline and his throat was sore from the spells he had used in the battle before he got caught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let his head fall against the stone behind him as he shifted his feet in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. The air was chilled and smelled like moss as he inhaled deeply and sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was still too quiet so he did what he did best: make noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed a few bars under his breath, no magic left to expend, and sang a soft tune. It echoed through the dungeon, breaking the silence and chasing away some of the gloom. He smiled as he increased the volume, belting out line after line as he took advantage of the silence and isolation to experiment with the sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He never heard the footsteps of someone approaching. He also did not hear when they paused for a moment to listen to his song before approaching. Too enraptured with the song he spun tales with to even notice when a figure stopped in front of his cell and listened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was only when the figure started to slowly clap that Scanlan realised that he had an audience. With a nod of their head the barred door of his cell swung open and they entered. Scanlan winced at the sudden light of torches as a pair of guards entered alongside the cloaked humanoid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pulled back their hood to reveal a beautiful woman, her pointed ears and lithe form indicated elvish blood in her veins. Her dark eyes glinted in the torchlight as she kneeled before the gnome and laid her hand against his cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guards seemed confused as the woman looked him in the eyes and whispered, “Never have I heard such beauty, such passion, not even in the praises of my followers!” She cupped his face in her hands as she ordered, never taking her gaze from Scanlan, “Remove him from this wall, I have a place for this one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan opened his mouth to speak but a blade at his throat stopped him in his tracks. They unhooked his cuffs and pushed him after the woman. She stayed ahead of them, occasionally glancing back at Scanlan as they walked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, he was led into a large room with mounds of treasure and soft pillows littering the floor. Silks trailed down from the ceiling and intricate stonework wrapped around the room. He chuckled a little at the decor as the woman walked over to a large seat and draped herself over the throne.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a simple beckoning motion, the guards began to shove Scanlan towards her chair. He resisted, with little effect, before being forced to kneel at the base of her throne. The woman smiled seeming genuinely pleased with his position at her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From behind her back, she pulled out a golden circlet with arcane runes engraved on the inside and outside. The runes he recognised as a spell he had cast on others and began to panic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The guards holding his chains held him in place and held his shoulders in place as she murmured something under her breath. The runes flashed as she attempted to lower the circlet onto his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan tried to rear away and shook his head to prevent her from putting the circlet on him. His captors wrenched his head back in place as she finished the activation incantation. He struggled until the last moment when she finally placed it on his brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The runes flashed and Scanlan went still, his sense of being lost to the enchantment. He could feel the guards removing his chains and pulling him onto his feet and could see the woman smiling as she said, “Now isn’t that much better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She beckoned with a single finger as her voice whispered in his mind, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Come to me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” His body moved to her side and she cackled with delight as she exclaimed, “Excellent! I love him! My dearest followers, I thank you for your gift!” He felt arms wrap around him and internally shuddered as she dismissed her guards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman looked him over for a moment, a satisfied smirk on her lips that made Scanlan want to get rid of, before telling him, “Let’s get you into something a bit more befitting a woman of my stature.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to resist but the circlet simply walked him to where she commanded. Normally, he would like being undressed by a beautiful woman but not when she was commanding him to change into clothes like a pet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she had finished dressing him like a doll, the woman took a seat on her throne and ordered, “Sing something for me, Pet. I would love to hear something… romantic.” Scanlan felt himself bow as he started to sing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hummed in delight as he performed, internally noting that his voice sounded devoid of any emotion. The woman would smile and pat his head like a dog every time he completed an order. Guards still watched over her from the corner of the room but they seemed aware of their mistress’s games.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did this for several hours, commanding him to dance and sing at her whim and patting his head as a ‘reward’ for his obedience. Scanlan wanted to scream and spit whatever insult came to mind but his body was no longer under his control. The helplessness of his situation made him want to vomit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was in the middle of petting his hair when a ray of light shot at her. The woman ducked, barely, as a familiar voice shouted, “Get your hands off of him, you sick bitch!” Vex and Pike stepped out of the shadows as the guards in the corner of the room went down in a spray of blood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman, cradling Scanlan’s jaw with one hand and resting the other on his head, frowned and sighed. She glanced at Scanlan, an amused glint dawning in her eyes, and commanded, “Take care of them for me, Pet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Vex saw Scanlan a rage threatened to overtake her. Vex saw that he was wearing a pair of long black pants and a collar, stripped of protection and dressed like a servant. Even from where she was, Vex could see the blank expression on his face and empty eyes reflecting the light of the circlet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beside her, Pike’s holy symbol was glaring through the dark with the cleric’s divine fury. They saw the woman release her hold on Scanlan as she ordered, “Take care of them for me, Pet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan turned towards them and raised his fist as he sand and summoned Bigby’s Hand. His voice was flat and though he was in tune, there was no trademark Scanlan flair. Grog bellowed in anger as he charged at the woman. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike charged towards Scanlan narrowly avoiding the woman’s spell as she shot a Guiding Bolt in return. The woman hissed in pain as the cleric managed to wrap her arms around Scanlan and ran away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He resisted but seemed more focused on using his magic to stop their attacks from hitting. The Cutting Words held nothing of the flair or comedy of Scanlan’s usual remarks. Pike’s face twisted in anger as she hauled Scanlan away from the battle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everytime he cast a spell, the runes would light up and the sound was toneless. Angry beyond belief, Pike grabbed the circlet and attempted to remove it. It sparked and crackled with arcane energy that stung her hand. She ignored the pain in her hand and continued to pull the circlet, adding a Greater Restoration to her efforts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It stayed firmly in place but Pike’s spell caused a few cracks to appear in the metal. Realising the effect, she asked Sarenrae for guidance as she used another Greater Restoration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The few cracks spread across the circlet like spiderweb, rays of divine light shining through the fractures before it shattered like a stained-glass window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abruptly, Scanlan came back to himself and clung to Pike until the dizziness had passed. She wrapped her arms around him to keep him standing while Vox Machina continued beating the woman to a bloody pulp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan took a few deep breaths before he finally looked up at Pike, eyes no longer dull. She smiled as she asked, “How are you feeling?” Scanlan let out a humorless laugh as he replied, “Much better now, Pike.” She glanced at his legs, noting the fact that he was mostly leaning against her, before raising an unimpressed brow at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hauled him into her arms and moved a little farther away from the fight. He grimaced as he took in his clothes and spat, “I fucking hate her! That was humiliating!” Pike placed a kiss on his forehead and lowered his feet to the ground as she told him, “Don’t worry, Scanlan, we’ll totally kill her if you want!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not the killing thing bothering me, she’s dead anyway,” he groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the fact that she made Scanlan Shorthalt her little performing monkey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dressed me up and made me put on a little song and dance. I’m not  a doll, I’m Scanlan motherfucking Shorthalt!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s gonna pay, Scanlan,” Pike hissed, “I promise.” Scanlan’s face took on a look of grim determination as he walked back towards the battle. His hands lit up with a familiar purple light as he sang a song, full of emotion, that turned into raw arcane force and shot forth in the form of a Lightning Bolt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It blasted the woman, who was preparing to attack Grog, with so much force her body flew from her altar and scattered her across the wall behind her throne. Vox Machina turned back to their bard and cheered as Pike pulled out her cloak and wrapped it around Scanlan’s shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her a grateful smile and pulled the cloak shut as he chirped, “Let’s get out of here shall we?” She smiled as she offered her arm to him and walked with him towards the group. He linked his arm with her as she whispered, “Glad to have you back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vox Machina walked out of the fortress, exchanging banter as they left. Vex gave a generous portion of the loot to Scanlan as he did have to suffer the woman’s horrible taste in fashion. He took it gratefully as Vax and Grog pulled him into a conversation that was probably kept to themselves so the others could claim plausible deniability.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruins; also not Scanlan’s cup of tea. They often meant catastrophe as well as treasure and it was usually a fifty-fifty chance that they were occupied. Vox Machina decided to take a calculated risk but boy did the math go wrong this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had split up the group in hopes of covering more ground. The plan may have succeeded if there had been no group of necromantic extremists lying in wait. Of course this occurred when Pike had chosen to stay with Scanlan because of how frequently cults seemed to target him. The second the opportunity arose, extremists had grabbed both gnomes and ran off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were currently chained back-to-back against a post with bags over their heads. Considering the circumstances, Scanlan figured he could be in worse condition. Pike was pulling against their binds in an attempt to get loose while their captors talked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She may have been able to escape if their chains were loosened for even a second but that would mean they had to convince their attackers to do it. Luckily, Scanlan had the ability to get people to do what he wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scanlan noticed the extremists still talking and decided that he wanted a tune; he whistled a very impressive piece with plenty of difficult notes. One member of the group hissed and turned towards the bard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike shot him a panicked look as the member, a tabaxi with brown fur, glared and ordered, “Cease the noise making, little one!” Scanlan continued carrying on the tune as though he had not heard and the tabaxi let out a growl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He persisted in maintaining his song, heedless of the cultists growing anger, and even made a few notes sharper than necessary. The tabaxi had enough and grabbed Scanlan by the front of his shirt and demanded, “Stop making that noise or </span>
  <em>
    <span>else</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The whistling did not stop as Scanlan gave Pike a look and pointedly made the noise more obnoxious. The cultist hissed and made the gnome to face them, as they spat, “It’s your life then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike heard scuffling as the chains holding them gave way for a moment. She used the distraction to wedge her shoulder at an angle to create some extra room. When they secured the chains again, she saw the cultist leading Scanlan towards the other extremists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She began to panic as the tabaxi shoved Scanlan onto his knees and spat something at the group. Hooded heads nodded in agreement as they hauled their captive to his feet and pushed him onto a creepy-looking throne. A series of twisted bands clamped down on the bard’s wrists, around his middle and forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike started to work on her escape as the robed figures began to light candles and chanting. Scanlan wriggled a little but was held fast by the metallic bands of ivy, which constricted him like it was alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the chanting continued, something creeped over the top of the throne like a scorpion’s tail. The end of it hovered a foot of two from the gnome’s face, displaying the visage of some sort of half-decayed humanoid. Socketed into its eyes were glittering black gems and its mouth was agape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chanting grew louder as the throne’s protrusion forced Scanlan to look into the face’s dark eyes. He felt cold sweep over him in a wave as his vision tunneled towards the aghast expression and the sensation of being pulled in rushed in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike finally freed herself and rushed towards the group. She could see glowing lines of magic pulling away from Scanlan’s body into a small orb of purple light. She swung her maul at the nearest cultist and grabbed her earring as she shouted, “We’re in trouble! Scanlan’s trapped!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chanting continued as a few cultists broke away to defend the ceremony. Before they could overwhelm her, Pike heard an angry shout as Grog charged into the room. Vax darted into the room throwing daggers and making his way to Scanlan’s side. He was followed by Percy, who was blasting at the cultists still chanting while Keyleth began to tear into their enemies as an eagle with Vex on her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike turned back to Scanlan to see a vacant expression on his face as the last tendrils of magic pulled away from his body to join the orb. Once complete, the orb began to drift towards the mouth of the carving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike’s eyes went wide as she screamed, “Don’t let the orb get to the mouth!” Vax caught on quickly and wrapped his hands around the glowing sphere and pulled it away from the terrifying face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as he made contact with the orb, Vax felt a wave of fear mixed with familiarity blast through him as he pulled away. He nearly let go of it, only holding on when he recognised the arcane aura it emanated. The rogue gasped out a small, “Scanlan?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sphere grew brighter and the feeling of familiarity grew stronger with an undercurrent of affirmation. Vax cradled it as he exclaimed, “It’s Scanlan! They took his fucking soul!” The cultists stopped chanting, a result of both pain and irritation with the intruders, and focused on trying to steal the orb away from Vax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that his soul was in safe hands, it became a more solid construct and seemed to be content, though a little scared, to stay with him. Vax moved out of range of the attacks and seemed content to let the others take charge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One cultist tried to sneak up on the rogue and swipe the soul but Vax was just fast enough to pull away. He worried for the soul’s safety and carefully made his way to Grog and told him, “Let’s play keep away, big fella. Keep the orb away from everyone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The goliath grinned madly as the orb pulsed with amusement and rammed through the cultists with glee. The way the soul flashed almost seemed like laughter as the cultists were dispatched. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once cleared of any remaining cultists, Vox Machina began to pry Scanlan’s body from the throne. Grog handed the soul to Pike for safekeeping as he tore the face off the throne and Vax undid the clasps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keyleth and Vex took turns touching the orb and feeling the waves of emotion coming from Scanlan’s soul. Keyleth gaped in horror as she finally understood Vax’s shout and kicked a nearby corpse out of fury. Vex tried to keep herself from panicking as she realised how close his soul came to being lost forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cradling the soul close to her, Pike felt Scanlan’s attempts to reassure her and the others but it was negated by the strong feeling of fear and uncertainty shifting beneath the surface. She attempted to soothe him by concentrating on her affection for him and whispered, “It’s going to be okay, Scanlan. We’re going to fix this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt a weak flare of hope and trust that held steady as the others finally removed Scanlan’s body and laid him down on the floor. Brown eyes looked out emptily and his chest was gradually slowing its breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pike reached out with one hand and cast Greater Restoration on his body as an added precaution before very gently placing the soul on his chest and recasting the spell. There was a pause as the purple light slowly spread over Scanlan’s body like threads of magic before sinking into the skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of tension before Scanlan let out a small gasp and groaned, “That fucking sucked.” There was laughter around him as Vax hoisted the smaller man on his shoulders. The rest of Vox Machina all began to scold and cheer at his return. He relaxed on the half-elf’s shoulders on the journey back as he told them, “Cult’s are the worst!”</span>
</p>
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